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January 8, 2017

January 8, 2017

What a week it has been.  Today, on the 9th anniversary of my preventive mastectomy, I revere in the gratitude I have for this past year and for this moment that celebrates the nearly 20-year journey of finding my way back into my body and finally loving the person I see in the mirror. One year to the day, from January 3 to January 3, I celebrated the day that I first decided to consider removing my silicone implants, yet another significant life decision, or last cut, in my life. The launch of my @equinox #committosomething image cosmically coincided with that day last January when I had allowed myself to look at a {foreign} part of my body that had never made me truly happy for nearly 8 years and finally commit to action. 

My word of intention for 2016 was embodiment. I had no clue the magnitude with which that vision would play out, nor could I have ever imagined that I would have been gifted, literally and figuratively, with an iconic image by @stevenklein to capture the {20} years of work, internally and externally, to arrive in that moment.  For years, in spite of the many blessings in my life, I felt incredibly broken in so many ways. I was proverbially {and at times, literally} on the floor and facing the harsh reality of feeling like an alien in my own life. The trauma of illness at age 21 had rocked my world, and fear, anxiety and depression had led me further and further away from my true self. I had a choice, and I chose to work my way back to loving myself and loving my life. I committed to finding my way back, and it took years.

What I see in myself in this image is a relentless commitment to self, my truth and my desire to be empowered, strong and present, for myself and for my daughter. This is not selfish. This is survival. This is presence. Embodiment of self does not happen over night. Embodiment of self requires commitment. Embodiment of self requires a willingness to sit with, work with, pull apart and eventually own the parts within and without that make up who we are. I chose to participate in this campaign for those reasons. My principle statement is one of committing to self and committing to one’s truth, which differs for every individual. 

As I sat by the fire this New Year’s Eve contemplating my word of intention for 2017, I struggled for a moment to capture the essence of how I want to feel in one word. After much contemplation with @lisafield12, the word landed, and it is “freedom.” When I launched Last Cut last year, I wrote, “Last Cut is a book project about those big life decisions {last cuts} made to bring us closer to living truth and more freedom. I believe freedom comes when we identify, honor and live by our personal truth.” That is the point. We ask the questions, commit to the truth, and take action to line up who we are on the inside with the life we are living out in the world. When our internal and external worlds are congruent, we feel greater freedom. This freedom starts on the inside and radiates out into world. 

 

January 11, 2017

January 11, 2017

January 4, 2017

January 4, 2017